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Big girls don’t cry

July 5, 2012

I actually managed to hold it together when the walking shop told me they had run out of Kendal mint cake- near miss though!
And even managed to swallow the massive lump in my throat when everyone left work wishing me well for the walk.
It was Smokey that did it. I seriously – seriously -got smoke in my eyes!

The training was done. I had bought what I needed. I was packed and ready. I had nothing else to think about And for the first time in a long time- I remembered why I was doing the walk in the first place.
I am going to lose my dad through some horrid illness. I am going to have to watch him suffer. I am going to have hold my mums hand as she says goodbye to the man she has loved for most of her life. And I realised that no amount of walking- running or baking f***ing cakes is going to make that less shit.

So the night before the walk I am unravelling. I need to get a grip. I don’t cry very often anymore- I am a big girl now but tonight I am breaking all the rules!

tonight – I’m not funny or able to make hilarious jokes about the situation. Tonight I am a little broken and rather sore. The walk can bring as much as it likes- I can’t imagine anything hurting any more than this does right now.

As I’m getting ready to walk 9000 ft my dad is struggling to get up the 2 flights of stairs in my house. As I’m packing boiled eggs and Kendel Mint Cake – he is packing his oxygen and million tablets. Him and my mum are looking after the girls whilst we walk- a precious commodity!

And he looks ok tonight- So  I will pour him a glass of wine and enjoy the time I have with him… and pull my bloody self together!

So for all those who have supported me- thanks- You have saved me from so many more potential broken moments. And for those at Health Unlocked- I want to say how brave you all are. And all those who have sponsored me- thanks. And for my family for turning up in turtle outfits at the 80s gig- you’re great!

And dad- I just want to say I love you and am doing this walk because it’s the only thing I can do right now to make it feel slightly ok! Xx
Over and out- see you on top of peak number 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57tK6aQS_H0

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One Comment
  1. Roni-marie Nield permalink

    Would wish you “Good Luck” but with all the training and preperation you have put into this I dont think it is needed. What you and ‘The A Team’ are doing is amazing and your dad will be so proud of you, the time you have with your dad is now so special and precious and cherish every single moment. I wish I could have done something like this but …… well am too dam lazy !!
    So all the best from the Nield family and just remember any money raised that helps others is always worth while however you have to get it (nothing illegal though!!)

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