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Wait Until Your Father Gets Home

June 13, 2012


In fact those threats from my mum had the adverse effect. My dad came home with sweets, chocolate or sandwiches from the working men’s Club. Or best still those little pots of prawns in vinegar.. mmmm. So why my mum thought my dad coming home was scarier than her chasing us up the stairs with slipper in hand- was beyond me!

It seemed apt that I put something together for Father’s Day. With the walk looming and all kinds of external factors taking over my life at the moment- the fast approaching Father’s Day is definatly a day to remember why I started doing all this charity raising, walking and blogging in the first place- because recently I have been rudely awakened to the fact that dad’s are very precious.

I have rewritten this blog about 10 times. They normally get banged out on the keyboard and then off. But this one was different. My first attempts were just too depressing and that was never my intention for creating the fundraising blogs. So eventually I decided to go with what I know best- sarcasm and low brow humour. I have decided to do it with pictures because I have some cracking ones scanned in and because my dad can’t use a computer he will never see the excruciatingly embarrassing pictures I put of him on here- and because of his breathing difficulties- I can run faster than he can if does catch a glimpse over my mum’s shoulder!!

So, I have decided to write this ‘lighthearted’ blog for all those who have great dads, have had great dads and ARE great dads. It might also serve as a reminder of all the things we forget about them- particularly when we are angry with them for confiscating our mascara when we are 13, or disgusted with them when they turn up to pick us from school in a v neck jumper with no t-shirt underneath..(not cool dad)! or embarrassed of them when they fart in public or order ‘worms’ in a Chinese restaurant!

There a lots of things I chastise my own children about- one of the main things is that I am convinced they think I was born old- and that the whole issue of being a teenager is totally beyond my comprehension because as if I could have ever been one! And then I rememembered all those conversations with my own mum and dad- and realised that I had done exactly the same. As far as I was aware- they were born in the olden days and anything they went through had no relation to what I was going through. They didn’t even have Sony Walkman’s or Wham for goodness sake- how on earth did they expect to understand the world I lived in.

So- as a recognition of the fact that parents have all kinds of things going on other than being parents.. I will devote this Father’s Day blog to all the things I overlooked about my dad as I was growing up.

So Dad, here it is

You were someone’s pride and joy. You were not, despite my earlier doubts, born with a fag in one hand and beer in the other shouting profanities at us all! Someone carried you for 9 months, held you when you were taking your first breaths of life and had all the hopes and dreams for you, as any new parent does when they hold their perfect and tiny baby. And bonus.. you could get away with your excessive wind back in those days!

You were someone’s naughty little boy– with scuffed knees and a dirty face! You were the boy sent to bed for trying to make baby chicks ‘swim’- how did that turn out dad?! I am sure your brothers have many more tales to tell- but at 7 year old- I bet the world was just one big laugh for you- where racing around fields and climbing trees were about all you had to worry about- not like the crap you have to worry about now!

You were someone’s naughty BIG boy! I have no idea why you thought you looked cool by the way in that picture– socks and shoes on the beach- and is that a shower cap on your head.. not sure that will be UV proof dad? And you should definatley gone to specs savers! Like any teenager, I am sure you thought you knew everything- thought you could do anything and that consequences were for losers… Remember telling me off for all that dad!!!!!

You were someone’s mate. You obviously also thought you were Elvis! Maybe you are Elvis?? That tone deaf singing into your headphones is clearly just a rouse so that we don’t find out! You do look rather cool in this picture though I have to say- although you clearly chose to hang out with the worst looking men in the town ever- so you got a look in with the girls!

You were a soldier! I really had forgotten that. You always did love cleaning your shoes! Did they have a mini squadron then for men under 5’’2? Or maybe you were taken on because of your amazing MASSIVE ears- they could well have provided an early warning sign for the enemy.. one flap for approach- two for LEG IT!

And of course you are still someone’s husband. You did all that mushy stuff and managed to bags yourself a girl! Not surprising with that fringe and sideys I have to say! I won’t go into how much I know you love my mum and how you have demonstrated this throughout your marriage- it makes me be a bit sick in my mouth! But I will never forget seeing you guys snog once.. That was truly gross! Please don’t ever do that again.

And here are all the little things I forget…

You used to be a pirate!! A fat one- check out those moobs dad. Your parrot has obviously gone for a rest somewhere..

I take it back– You used to be Gadaffi! How much did that beard used to scare my kids!

But most of all- you are my dad– and Craig and Mandy’s dad- and Grandad to Adam, Rowen, Jade, Bailey, Tegan and Sainsbury bump, and Phoebe, Charlie and Emily and Great Grandad now to little Alfie. And that we don’t forget…

My first You Tube Upload- just for you dad! xx

Happy Father’s Day

Love you loads

D xx


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One Comment
  1. Berenice Golding permalink

    This has brought tears to my eyes!

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